I’M GONE

I’m really sorry Mom, Dad, Fred, and all of my family. Yeah, I knew that I couldn’t do the best thing. I meant I couldn’t cook well. I couldn’t clean the house. I couldn’t help you to wash the clothes. I couldn’t iron the clothes. I couldn’t bla bla bla… Exactly, I couldn’t do anything. I’m fool, very stupid and lazy girl. I was mess and always asked Dedek to do anything. And I never joined to help her. Should, we do it together. But, I let Dedek to work alone. I let her. I was egoist. I’m really sorry…

Really, I knew that Dedek was tired. She was very tired to do anything. Then, she also bored to see my habit. I’m a bad sister for her. But she never told it to me. She saved it alone. I could feel it but I was too lazy to help her. I wasn’t wise as a sister. Huuuuffffftttttt…..

Basically, Dedek wasn’t my real sister. She rent a room in my house before. Actually, many people rent room at my house (it was about nine people) because my house was near to STKIP (Teacher Training College) and they were college student there. My house was big and had seven bedrooms. So, my mom rent three rooms for them and four rooms for us (the first bedroom for my parents, the second bedroom for me, the third room for my sister ‘Maria’ and the fourth for my brothers ‘Fredi and Hendri). Then, my mom asked her to join with us. She slept with me in my bedroom. She used to help us. Every morning, she prepared our breakfast for example made tea for us and ‘teh talua’ (traditional drink) for my dad.

Actually, I wanna change my attitude. I wish I could do anything. But, I’ve tried it. Again and again I was failed. For example, when I made ‘sambalado’ (one of the traditional food in West Sumatera/Minang) they didn’t eat it. I knew that it wasn’t delicious. The taste was not good. But, please appreciated me. Then, I’ve tried to make ‘gulai’ (also one of the traditional foods in Minang Kabau), yeah, as usual no one ate my cooking.  My sister ‘Maria’ suggested me that if we wanted to cook, we had to use our heart. I’ve tried it also. But I thought I didn’t have talent in cooking. Failed, failed and failed…

“How can you marry if you can’t cook?” my mom said.

“I’ve tried mom. I think I don’t have talent in cooking.” I answered.

“Tell me why? As a girl you must be able to cook dear. If your boyfriend brings you to his house, what will you do? Whether you just silent and don’t help his mom? Do you just let his mom prepare dinner or lunch alone? I don’t teach it to you. Every day I ask you to learn cooking. Oh, goodness! I don’t know what I must do to you?” my mom said disappointed.

“I’ve tried many times mom. There is no one eat my food if I cook. They just let it. I’m so disappointed.” I said sadly.

“Yeah, because when you cook you didn’t use your heart. You never smile. And it makes your food is not good. There is no great taste if you do like that.”

Oh my god, more than one person says like that. Do I really bad in cooking? Do I don’t use my heart? Do I never smile when I cook? Mmm, I don’t know. I think maybe yes and maybe no. But, I’ve tried to smile and use my heart. I’ve tried to do the best thing. And Alhamdulillah no one appreciated me. I just could say “thank you so much my beloved family”.

Then, since Dedek joined and lived with us, I used to let her to do anything. For example; cooked, cleaned the house, and prepared breakfast and so on. Sometimes, I felt I was guilty to her. When I felt like that I tried to help her. Maybe I washed dishes, swept the floor, and put the plates on the table. Sometimes when she wasn’t at home I change her to do housework.

*tobe continued*